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Dead Eyes
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| winter. |
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She didn’t know when it actually started, maybe it was always there, and people just got worse.
The first time Finn was sure she saw something rotten was at the age of 6. Her brother, Levi, was having a particularly bad day and decided to lock her out of the house. It was near the end of winter, and through the foggy glass backyard door, he stared at her for about an hour as she shook and shivered, and her skin turned blue.
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Finn and her brother never had a civil relationship, he tormented her, but that was the first time she feared him. She saw his skin turn unnaturally pale and gray, it peeled and bubbled off his putrid flesh, eyes dead and bulging from their sockets.
That was her first experience with a monster.
Her father eventually came home to bring her in. From then on, she could see him for what he truly was. Levi had always been a little twisted, but this was different. She couldn’t even look at him, his mask was no longer there, and his appearance was appalling. Still, knowing what he was made the pain easier to bear. Things are always less scary when you understand them, aren’t they?
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He was the worst thing I’ve ever seen when I saw him hanging there in the basement.
I never told my parents that I saw him first. If I did, they’d have forced me to go to therapy. But I was fine just taking the pills.
Soon after, dad told me he “left for college”, but I knew better. He went back to hell, back to where he came from, like the devil returning to his throne.
Whispers about my brother were everywhere, and that's when 7-year-old me figured out that they were all as horrible as he was.
I never saw him again, but the pain was always there.
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| spring. |
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I could see what other people didn’t, the ugly that most “humans” tried to repress. They always showed themselves, in time, and I learned to keep trust selective. This “ick” was a disease and almost everyone I knew was infected.
At this point, everyone I spoke to had the ugly pouring out from their skin, all the “good ones” just showed me what they were once I got too close.
Then there was her. She was one of the good ones in my class, and pretty too. She was so pretty. I was 12 and I’d never felt this way about anyone, I certainly didn’t think I’d feel it for another girl, but I did. Her name was Kate, and she was an angel. She invited me to read, do each other’s hair, and play at recess. I had fun with her, she was friends with half the class, and I had fun with them too. To be graced with an angel, they had to be safe too, right? Too afraid of what I’d see, I scarcely even looked at my other classmates, maybe I just assumed they'd have been diseased. At school, I was happy then.
The time I spent with her like this was disgustingly sweet.
One recess, as I braided her hair, I really fell in love. I fell deeper and deeper. I knew I shouldn’t be feeling this way, not to her, but maybe she felt the same. I stared at my lap as I told her about these feelings, I told her everything, my dreams, my nightmares, the things I saw, and she listened. Maybe I stared into her eyes too long to notice her skin melting off her face. My heart wanted to believe her, but my mind told me otherwise. I tore my eyes from hers. She was one of them.
She told everyone about me and…about him.
Kate destroyed me.
The classroom became an undead horde of black and gray.
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| fall. |
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High school was no better after that.
It was because of this place that her dosage had to be raised.
Everyone and everything was cold, dead, and rotten, and the image of Finn’s brother appeared to her in all the other students in senior year. He was this old when he started to decay too.
Finn kept her head down, pretended they didn’t exist, and in turn, they’d do the same. She limited the number of times she’d have to look at their decomposed skin and hungry eyes to a minimum.
“I’d rather be nothing than be their next meal”, she thought.
Ms. Bryce’s class was my safe haven in the school. Somehow, she had this effect on all the zombies around her. When those monsters stepped into 2nd period Visual Arts, they became human again. She never failed to rehumanize my classmates, bringing kids from every clique into mini art exhibitions, and discussions. Her class was the only time I saw other humans, even if they were just concealing their rot under their clothing for her sake.
Her passion spread throughout her classroom with such light.
I wouldn’t give up this class for the world.
When Ms. Bryce assigned a group project, I felt like puking.
I was assigned to Cas and Joe, two girls whose flesh was full of life. The two were already friends and I hadn’t seen any signs of rot yet, I was somewhat relieved of the nausea.
It took some time, but I learned to trust them and we still spoke and hung out after our project was over.
Cas was the type to win beauty pageants and prom queen. She had long beautiful braids and the ability to make friends with anyone. How such a person could exist, I’ll never know. Joe was tall and handsome for a girl, but that only made her more attractive. She had this tough exterior, piercing gaze, and monotone voice, but really, she was the softest person I had ever met.
They brightened up my world and gave me the experience of true friendship. The zombified faces faded away, and I really thought I could finally live again. I’d make my mom proud and graduate from this dump, unlike my brother.
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| the calm. |
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It was the beginning of March when I felt that familiar string of unease, it slithered its way into my lungs, up my throat, and into my brain with a chill. I was in a good state of mind for months, and I would have been late for school if I took the time to guzzle down some food and my medication. My gut was telling me to skip.
​
Choking the feeling down, I zipped up my coat and ran to class, avoiding the icy patches on the sidewalk.
“I’m gonna have a good day today, whether fate likes it or not.”
“I will no longer allow ‘zombies’, the past, or my brother to govern my life.”
“I feel wonderful and alive.”
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| the storm. |
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Having barely made it on time to her first period, Finn was greeted by the loud whispers of her fellow classmates.
“What do you think the new kid’ll be like”
New kid? We’re almost two months into our final semester-
Before she could even finish her thought, their English teacher walked in, along with a face Finn thought she’d never see again.
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That same string from mere minutes earlier had stitched her windpipe tighter and tighter.
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“Kate?”, she murmured through heaved breaths.
Just having walked in, Kate turned her head to face Finn. As they locked eyes, Finn saw how much more beautiful Kate became. Such thoughts went down the drain when Kate’s skin became bluish-gray, and the memories of what she had done resurfaced.
That was the final tug, closing her windpipe shut.
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In those few seconds of agonizing asphyxia, Finn recalled the way news spread about how one sibling killed himself and the other was a dyke. Kate told the other kids, those kids told their parents, and the parents told hers.
The pitiful and disgusted looks she got from the other kids and staff. The screaming from mom, the absence of dad.
I NEED TO FUCKING GET OUT OF HERE
Finn stood abruptly from her seat and ran, effectively hurling her chair at the table behind hers with sheer force.
She took one final glance at the classroom, it had become a sea of gray and black.
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Finn ran through the halls, dodging the grotesque monsters trying to claw and grab at her, their skin barely hanging onto the bloody red muscle and tissue beneath. Their eyes were strained and poking out of their sockets. There must have been hundreds of them, even though classes were still in session.
She fled into the bathroom, and into the furthest stall.
Her head was pounding and her heart felt like it was about to give out.
She collapsed onto the floor and wrapped her arms around herself in a futile attempt to soothe the panic spewing from her body.
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The memories, the pain, all the noise, all the rot, it was all back, all at once.
Earsplitting noise, static and ringing, flooded her ears and tears clouded her vision.
It took about an hour for the noise in her head to subdued, and the tears had been soaked up by the fabric of her sweater. But the emotions never left.
Few and far between were there other occupants of the bathroom. On the rare occasion, Finn had to muffle her sobs and slow her breathing to a halt. One group of undead came in to talk about new gossip, and about how they’ll get home when the snow is piling up outside.
Life had been so good for a while, that, in that time she let down all her defenses and forgot how to fight, potentially kill.
Her body felt numb, rooted into its spot on the dirty bathroom floor.
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She didn’t know how long she was there, and she couldn’t persuade herself to leave anyway.
That was until two very familiar voices entered the bathroom.
“Hey, Finney? Are you in here? Joe and I heard you left class earlier and no one’s seen you since, we’re really worried.” shouted Cas.
Finn’s breath hitches when Cas and Joe run to the door of her stall. Finn’s pupils visibly shrank and she pulled her knees tightly into her stomach. It was sure to leave bruises.
“I can see your shoes, F. I just want to help you, we love you, so please open up.” Joe said calmly in her ever-so-monotone voice.
Finn rises slowly, legs still senseless from sitting on the cold hard ground and shakily grabs the latch of the stall, unlocking it.
What if they heard everything and they’re infected too-
The door swings open, revealing two very hungry monsters.
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Finn lets out a bloodcurdling scream.
Joe digs her boney decayed fingers into my shoulders-
“HEY, CALM DOWN, ARE YOU ALRIGHT? AHH- FUCK-..SHIT!”, Finn struggled and fought against her grip, before clenching her jaws around Joe’s forearm, drawing blood from her now eviscerated flesh.
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“FINNEY YOU’RE ACTING FUCKING CRAZY, WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?”
Joe looked at Finn with true terror in her eyes, the same gaze she would give Levi when they were younger.
Shocked at the sight of her own bloodied arm, Joe let go of her, which she took as a chance to flee.
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Finn fled the zombie-infested building, her thin sweater and jeans doing little to combat the cold, but she continued shuffling her way through the thick sheet of snow.
Finn made her way as far as could into the forested area behind her school.
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It wasn’t long until her body stopped listening to her, and she couldn’t do anything but collapse once more onto the ground, this time on her side.
The side of her face landed on a large rock under the snow, rupturing her right eyeball.
Her legs and arms curled in towards her core to conserve whatever heat was left in her body.
Her heartbeat slowed and her vision was partially lost. It was like the day her brother locked her out of the house, except this time she wasn’t wearing a coat, and her father wouldn’t be there to scoop her up from the cold even if he wanted to.
The blood spilled from Finn’s eyes was frozen in place, her lips were chapped and blue, threatening to freeze shut if she didn’t move them.
“May-maybe you ‘nd I a-aren’t so differ-ferent, huh?”
We both hurt the people we loved and left to die.
Tears in her eyes and losing consciousness, Levi appeared to Finn for the last time and pulled her into a warm embrace, the first hug they’d ever shared and the first time Finn could understand the pain her brother must have been in.
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I’ll see you in college.
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Even the devil burns in hell, and now she’ll be joining him.
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